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Condensed history - Dorron

My family had a house in Queens New York during the time I attended high school. 

Can't say I was a great student in school. Most times I had no motivation. I barely made it through high school. My sister didn't. Looking back, I guess all the moving around without a solid family base was more disturbing than I realized.

My sister, at sixteen married, left home and moved to a Kibbutz in Israel. She lived on two different Kibbutzim before settling into an apartment in Be'er Sheva. After having a child, her husband abandoned her in Israel and left the country. Her husband Richie spent some time in England then moved back to the US. After some time he moved back to England, met a wealthy artist style woman and to this day continues to live off her in one of the Scandinavian countries.

My sister was too involved in her situation to care for the baby girl and gave her up for adoption. After a while she met a man with a daughter from a previous marriage and they moved in together. They stayed together for eleven years until the possibility of marriage became a reality. At that time the guy and his daughter moved out and they never spoke again.

It was another ten years before she met the man she would marry. He had four children from another marriage. His wife, still alive had been paralyzed for many years. Two of the four children were brought up in foster homes. The other two remained with him. Today she lives in a low income section of Be'er Sheva in Israel. She is married and has two grand-children. 

During the time I attended public high school in Queens New York there was a strawberry farm behind our home. The open fields reminded me somewhat of my youth in the Israeli Negev desert. Although not as dry, I felt close to the earth. I needed the closeness with the earth. Tall buildings, concreted sidewalks and tarred roads left me feeling isolated, empty and at the same time crowded with people. Prior to life in Queens we lived a short time in Manhattan. The concrete jungle of Manhattan scarred me terribly. Too many people too much crime and too little nature. So the open space of Queens, at that time, was intoxicating. With bicycle in hand Queens became my back yard. The intoxication of open space dominated my life. High school was a necessary evil I was forced to endure, though my mind was always outdoors. Needless to say, schoolwork was not a high priority and my grades reflected this. My parents cared and took appropriate action. 

I was lucky my parents sent me to school in Manhattan. It forced the intoxicating effect of Queens out of me, if only for enough time to let me do the schoolwork. After graduation I was still interested in learning, though at my own pace and in my own style. So I bounced between various colleges until settling in at a technical aeronautics one. Eventually I received a few degrees; in aerospace electronics which included computers, industrial engineering, and industrial management, etc.

Generally I did well in school. With identified motivation I did very well, without it I passed. Although motivation existed at all times I didn't necessarily see it. Girlfriends generally acted as the catalyst for this. They opened my eyes enabling me to see the motivational reasons for doing well. 

During my college years I met an Israeli  woman that I later married. Over the course of twenty five years we had three children, two boys and a girl. While in college I worked full time, mostly in engineering sales. I took an opportunity to become a partner in a small firm selling industrial fluid technologies to industrial users. After about three years I sold my part in the firm and moved with my family to Israel. Career wise it was a step backwards. I had command of the language of about a twelve year old. My knowledge, experience and credentials were of little value. I made friends with contacts. Contacts had "Protectzia." Very soon I had a good job.

My first position was in technical writing in multiple disciplines for military platform systems. Later I managed a group in RAM (reliability and maintainability) Engineering of multiple disciplines for military platform systems. I was faced with engineering systems for the express purpose of killing or maiming people, albeit in war situations. Although I found this contrary to my values, it was necessary for the State of Israel. Finally I graduated to a position in sales/marketing of military supports systems. 

Israel was a concentrated experience bringing me into contact with areas contradictory to my values. The US stressed love, peace and cooperation values. Israel didn't have much love or peace. Friction and conflict existed everywhere except within army units. Religious Vs Secular. Religious AND secular against the Arabs. Arabs were part of Israel, Arabs were neighboring enemy states. Arabs had family members on both sides of Israel's borders.  New immigrants Vs established families Vs a system of relationships. I found my place in Israel by enhancing the military machine. In contradiction to my values, the military machine was needed. It kept Israel alive. 

Coming from the USA where everything was purchased with credit, I faced an economy using cash for almost everything. I made friends with Russian immigrants. They experienced living well with deals made under the table. I saw, learned, and practiced. In a short period of time I bought a new car with cash. Shortly afterward, came an apartment. 

I returned to the United States as an emissary for a foreign country. I was charged with enhancing mutual trade. Everything went fine for four years. At the time my "tour of duty" was up I was informed that there was no job waiting for me back in Israel. The economy was depressed and they were not going to honor their commitment to retain a position for me to return to. Under the circumstances it seemed better to remain in the United States than return to an uncertain jobless future.

While representing a foreign country my family and I lived in a New Jersey community, half of which were very wealthy. The good side, is the the educational system was top notch. The downside was that we did not have the financial resources to compete with the "rich" set. My children rode bicycles to school while other children drove to school in Masarati's and Mercedes Sport cars. On a social level it was hard for them, especially when compared with the Israeli social environment they had come from.

Working as a US citizen after being out of the country for more then an decade was difficult. I was used to a different work ethic and social environment. This should not be misconstrued as meaning that in a different environment people did not work. To the contrary, in many ways they worked harder. Their focus of difficulties on the job was different then in the US. In the US job focus is on getting the job done 110% of the time. Overseas the job focus is more on interpersonal relationships. They assume that with strong relationships your personal obligation to perform is as strong as your relationships are. Unfortunately in the US personal relationships are not seen as motivational factors.

During the twenty five years of marriage there were good times. But the relationship with my wife was never really good. She came from Israel and was very combative in her nature. The marriage would have ended in the first few years but for the children. The children took our attention off each other. Instead of arguing we concentrated our activities on supporting the children. When the first two children were out of the house, and only a fifteen year old remained, the marriage degraded quickly. Within two years we divorced and she moved back to Israel with our fifteen year old. I allowed the move to Israel solely for the benefit I felt it would afford our fifteen year old.

Like any parent I felt that my children should have it better then I had. So I tried providing the type of positive home environment they would benefit from the greatest. Looking back, it is obvious that friction with my wife had an unfortunate impact on them.

Alone in the US, my most immediate family in Israel, I felt isolated. My one good friend, herself a widow, kept me going. At first we found solace with each. The relationship developed and we married. In my first marriage, we held a lot of common views. But for those items we did not have in common conflicts escalated and were never resolved, so they festered. My second marriage was with an alien. Alien in respect to the background culture we each had. Although we talked much before the marriage the meanings behind those words only became clear when we began living them. She is orthodox and I am not.

Everyone resented our impending marriage, my children and hers. My children were in Israel. The long distance kept their involvement to a minimum. Her children were in the neighborhood pressuring her to rethink the idea of marrying me. We did marry and are still married after six years. Most of our serious conflicts have nothing to do with religion. 

Income in the US . . .  after Israel.  

So what has happened . . . . to be continued . . . . . . 

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